A bitter episode

It's been weeks and soon even a month without his presence. There is feeling of relief and freedom flows in my vein as he left, but all of it mixed with a great sense of loss.

Sometimes I blame myself for everything happened, there are times when I'm angry because I was treated very unfairly, I sometimes let myself talk in silence and thinking what have I done in the past so now I have to feel this.

I miss him sometimes, although the last time he said , "I can not just leave you like that." :) :) :)

When I remember that sentence now, I can smile again without any hope that someday, he'll come back to me. Because I know that sentence does not mean anything for him, just as part of his attempt to relieve my emotions at that time. Unfortunately, until now deep inside my heart I still believe that he's not that bad. Hopefully it's true.

Wherever he is, whatever he does, hopefully he's okay and happy with his chosen life now.

I was taught the meaning of give in and surrender.

For the last couple years, I've done a lot of sacrifices so that all could work fine, but unfortunately it has no meaning for him. Even worse, I was slandered :) You can imagine how I feel right now, but I am very grateful because at times like this, I was taught the meaning of 'surrender'.

Yes, the meaning of "surrender" here in the sense of letting the process take place naturally. Let God's will happens. I strongly believe, the lives of people who are full of lies will never be peaceful.

It was just a bitter episode in my amazing life.

Have a sweet weekend

It's Friday night!
Another weekend is coming and I'm so happy that I'm gonna have my weekend full of things to do. Tonight I'm going out with some friends for a big dinner. Yeah, big. I'm planning to have my tummy full tonight.

On Saturday, I'm gonna have a photo session at my working place and the followed by having wine + chit chat with a friend.

On Sunday, I'm gonna meet other friend.

Have a sweet weekend, everyone!

Happy New Year 2012

Have a happy, prosperous new year 2012!
That's what I wished on the New Year's eve.

Tanggal 1 Januari 2012 dimulai dengan 'drama' yang saya mulai sendiri. Ya, memang saya sendiri yang menciptakan drama itu dan sekarang yang ada cuma perasaan bersalah.
Tapi, kembali lagi. Things happen for reasons. Salahnya saya, tidak cukup kuat meredam emosi saya. Saya adalah tipe orang yang cenderung meledak-ledak dan tidak suka memendam segala sesuatu. Bocor. Kadang tanpa disaring.

Resolusi tahun 2012 adalah bisa menjadi orang yang lebih sabar. Dan baru beberapa menit jarum jam bergeser dari angka 12, saya sudah kehilangan kesabaran :'(
Efeknya? saya merasa saya kehilangan orang yang saya sayangi.

Dalam prinsip hidup saya, tidak ada kata menyesal. Tapi, saya bisa bilang kalo saya merasa bersalah. Kadang ada pikiran untuk menghukum diri saya sendiri, tapi hey... I'm better than that. Wajar aja kalo terkadang pikiran-pikiran negatif muncul. Dan disaat saya menyalahkan diri saya sendiri, saya perlu teman-teman saya untuk memberikan semangat, atau sekedar mendengarkan keluh kesah saya.
Thank God I have them.

So, I wish you all have a fantastic 2012!
Dan untuk menghibur diri saya sendiri, awal yang kurang bagus bukan berarti seterusnya gak bagus :))

xoxo,
-Ita

Tuesday Talk

Pembicaraan siang ini di kantor antara saya dan tetangga depan meja saya adalah tentang pernikahan. Topik yang berat kalo dibahas terlalu dalam. Jadi, pembicaraan ini tidak terlalu kita kupas dalam, hanya sebagai selingan sambil makan siang.

Living a single life is fun, but in the age 30's like mine... could be tough too. Kenapa saya bilang 'tough'? Karena dengan bertambahnya umur, mengenal lebih banyak orang dan tau lebih banyak mengenai cerita di luar sana yang dulunya cuma bisa saya baca di buku atau nonton di film, honestly saya agak sedikit 'ngeri' dengan pernikahan. Dan hal-hal ini membentuk pola pikir saya mengenai makna dari 'pernikahan'.

Buat saya, pernikahan itu adalah bab baru dari buku kehidupan saya. Bab yang hanya bisa mulai dituliskan apabila saya jatuh cinta, percaya, yakin dan menetapkan hati kalau lelaki itu adalah lelaki yang akan selalu menjadi sahabat saya sampai saya menutup mata, atau sebaliknya. Perjalanan ke depannya tidak akan mudah sama sekali. Banyak godaan dan cobaan yang akan muncul tanpa di duga dan tanpa di rencanakan sama sekali.

Orang ketiga? Sudah pasti akan menjadi bumbu di dalam bab ini. I'm so sure about this. Belum lagi masalah yang lain yang akan timbul. Masalah keuangan, masalah toleransi dan kompromi dengan kebiasaan-kebiasaan, masalah keluarga, masalah pekerjaan. Masih banyak lagi kalo disebutkan satu persatu masalah-masalah yang akan muncul.

Buat saya, menikah bukan lagi tujuan utama dalam hidup saya. Tujuan hidup saya adalah menerima diri saya apa adanya dan berdamai dengan masa lalu saya untuk membuat hidup yang cuma sekali ini menjadi hidup yang bahagia.

Saya tidak mau gagal dalam pernikahan saya nanti, karena itu saya harus memperbaiki diri saya sendiri dulu supaya apabila saatnya nanti saya menjadi seorang istri, saya diberikan kekuatan untuk memaafkan, berkompromi, toleransi dan membahagiakan suami saya, for better or worse.

Of course, saya tetap mau menikah, in His time :)

xoxo,
Ita

Memories

Hello Sunday...! What are you gonna bring for me? What's in the store for me?

I'm missing some of good times in the past lately, because some of my friends who used to close to me and was part of my days aren't here anymore. That's life...

So I posted this picture because today is dedicated to the good times in the past :) Cheers...!

A Quick Note

Hey.... Welcome back to myself!

Hari ini saya ngebaca satu blog yg menginspirasi saya untuk menulis lagi. Setiap kali saya membuka account Blogger ini, rasanya banyak sekali yang mau saya tulis tapi entah kenapa pada saat ingin memulai kok malah gak bisa ya? Bahkan untuk memulai menulis tiba-tiba pikiran jadi kosong.

Setahun belakangan ini saya sangat sadar kalo saya yang dulu menghilang dari diri saya. Saya punya kesibukan baru yang menyita hati dan pikiran saya. Ya, masalah hati selalu bisa menyita waktu saya. Dan entah kenapa saya membiarkan diri saya yg dulu menghilang. Pekerjaan juga cukup menyita waktu saya. Acara travelling menjelajah dunia yang selalu saya impikan dari dulu sudah mulai tidak terlalu saya minati lagi.

Semua hanya masalah waktu.

Saya mau diri saya yg dahulu kembali lagi, tentu saja dengan tambahan pengalaman hidup yang banyak sekali saya dapatkan setahun belakangan ini. Wah, sepertinya permintaan yang sangat tidak adil. Entahlah, saya merasa saya belum menemukan diri saya yang dulu. Tapi, saya juga mensyukuri pengalaman yang saya dapatkan setahun belakangan ini.

Pulang Kampung dan Lebaran

Jakarta akan mulai sepi minggu ini! Begitu prediksi sebagian besar penduduk Jakarta yang saya dengar. Saya pun berharap Jakarta akan sepi mulai minggu ini dan sangat merindukan lalu lintas yang lancar tanpa hambatan. Saya termasuk penduduk Jakarta yang sangat beruntung tidak sering mengalami kemacetan karena dari tempat tinggal saya menuju ke tempat kerja hanya memakan waktu 15 menit berjalan kaki.

Last weekend the traffic was still awful! Terutama didaerah sekitar pusat perbelanjaan, belum lagi pusat perbelanjaan itu sendiri! Aduh, kalau harus bergabung dengan lautan manusia itu, saya sama sekali tidak sanggup. Sama sekali tidak nyaman.

Setiap tahun menjelang Lebaran dan setelah Lebaran sebagian penduduk Jakarta yang memang adalah para pendatang pulang kampung atau mudik. Istilah mudik lebih familiar pastinya. Termasuk bibi yang bekerja di tempat tinggal saya, dia akan mudik ke Wonosobo dan semenjak awal bulan Ramadhan saya sudah bisa melihat dia begitu bersemangat untuk mudik.

Untuk sebagian besar pendatang yg mencari rejeki di Jakarta, mudik adalah suatu keharusan. Sampai rela berdesak-desakan di kereta atau bus demi merayakan hari istimewa bersama keluarga di tanah kelahiran. Ada yang kurang apabila tidak merasakan indahnya Lebaran bersama keluarga besar. Yang paling menjengkelkan, para pemudik ini akan kembali ke ibukota dengan membawa sanak saudara atau teman yang mendambakan kehidupan yang lebih baik tapi tidak sedikit yang berakhir menjadi pengangguran, atau malah ada yg jadi penjahat!

Saya termasuk pendatang, saya mencari rejeki di Jakarta tetapi saya mendambakan kehidupan yang lebih tenang di luar Jakarta. Semoga suatu saat impian saya bisa terwujud :)

Buat yang mudik, hati-hati di perjalanan, nikmati waktu berharga bersama keluarga dan teman2 di tanah kelahiran. Kalau ada keluarga atau teman yg mau mengadu nasib ke Jakarta, di kasih tau dulu pahit manisnya kehidupan Jakarta, jangan yg manisnya aja, ya...

Selamat Idul Fitri 14731 H kepada yg merayakan ya...

A Little Note Today

I am an Indonesian, 100 percent Indonesian and I'm proud as an Indonesian. Why do I write my blog in English? Simply because I want to improve my English. There might be some mistake in grammar or the way I try to say but it doesn't stop me from writing in English. But lately I'm thinking to write my blog in Indonesian, that must be interesting and I can say exactly what I mean without being misunderstood.

Writing always be one of my interests in life beside traveling. When I was a little girl, I used to make some short stories and shared it to my little sister. She liked it, she was my loyal reader. I wrote in a note book only when I felt I wanted to. Someday maybe I will write a book, or maybe I'll start writing short story again and send it to magazines? Who knows?
All I need is inspiration.

New Challenge!

So I've been working like crazy in the last 5 months since I jumped into this position. It's a promotion and it needs a lot of determination.

Working as a Public Relations is not easy, totally not. When you think all we can do is smiling and talking and promoting, you are wrong. It's not all about it, there are many that you'll discover and learn once you are here.

I don't have background as a PR. What I'm doing now is learning by doing. Many times I have to work extra hours and few times I feel down. Sometimes I feel like I can't do this., I can't do that, that will be impossible, etc But, in fact... I can do this and nothing is impossible. Sometimes we think too much about something without even take the first step. Don't you think?

Wrong

Everything seems so wrong at the moment, especially today.

I take a deep breath more often than I usually do.

Grumpy mood covered me all day at work, because one thing doesn't run as well as I thought. I feel like I have failed to simplify my mind today.

Life is not complicated, it depends on the way you look at it.

I hope positivity cloud will hanging above my sky soon.

Jump!

I feel like I want to jump into a boat now because my life needs more excitement! Which boat should I jump into?

I think too much of the destination, the finish line, the end of the journey that not yet been started. I am a coward sometimes. It is not someone that I am. It’s funny to call myself a coward but that’s who I am sometimes. So, I’m triggering myself to walk toward the light right now. One step at a time and I’ll jump into that boat and just enjoy the ride, enjoy the calm or wild waves of the sea and just see where the boat will take me to. JUMP!!

What I wrote on 31 December 2009

One day left in 2009 when I wrote this.

My thought took few trips to some moments in 2009 that crashed me down but in the end, there’s always light in the end of the tunnels :) These ‘crashing moments’ were definitely made me a better person as I am today. There were time when I had rainy days, but I didn’t let myself wet soaking in the rain. I have a nice rain coat and wide umbrella to protect me. Swept away few people in my life made my house cleaner and more peaceful. I don’t need the dust in my shiny palace. So, for people who want to get your dirt placed or made dirt in my palace, accept that you are not welcome and not even deserve to visit or even stay in my joyous life.

“To forgive is to move forward”

“When you forgive it, you don’t have to live it”.

I had a wonderful years in 2009 and I know I’m gonna have more wonderful year in 2010. Here I am, standing tall above the blue sky, with forever summer in my heart and wide smile on my face, so ready to welcoming 2010! A year that will be filled with more joy, laughter, happiness and love. There will be stormy days ahead for sure, but that’s part of my journey to live this amazing life of mine!

Most people make New Year resolution and I have few too that I want to share with you.

1. Join yoga class
2. Join dance class
3. Eat more healthier foods start by consuming red rice rather than white rice, less junk foods or fry foods
4. Travel abroad to some new places and mixed more with local people during traveling
5. Get in a better body shape by exercising and swimming, lose 6-8 kilo is the target!
6. Read more good quality book
   

I share few happy moments I had in 2009 as above, there were many many great moments I had... What you see above were just few of them :)
So grateful!

xoxo,
-Ita

Merry Christmas!!

Just my little sister and I celebrated Christmas this year. Yeah, a bit sad but we didn't want to be sad on this special day :)
We had a nice Christmas Eve Dinner at one of our favorite Restaurants. I had Strawberry Yoghurt, Pepper Steak and Cream Caramel.... I was so full that night!

In the afternoon before our dinner, we had coffee and donuts then sang a lot for about an hour in Karaoke room.

Here is cutlery set that I got from gift exchange on Christmas Part at my working place. Nice isn't it?

and... one of my colleagues gave me this cute cupcake! I didn't dare to eat that because the puppy was too cute... ! But it was ended up in my tummy afterward anyway :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

xoxo,
-Ita

Costume party ideas?

Audrey Hepburn?

Dora the explorer?

Vietnamese Girl?

I'm going to attend a costume party in the New Year's eve at my friend's house!! It's gonna be my first costume party ever :)
My friends and I came up with this idea when we were driving home. To attend a party in some clubs must be expensive and we didn't really interest to go and celebrate that moment with strangers. To celebrate it with some close friends and do crazy things should be fun. I remember my last New Year's eve was just OK. I volunteered myself to work on that night because I didn't want to be alone, some of my close friends went out of town. It was just OK, I won't say it was not fun because no matter what...I should be grateful for each moment in my life :D
So, above are some ideas that I can get until now... Still searching. Any suggestion?

xoxo,
-Ita

My best Birthday ever!

It's been a while... Glad to be able blogging again.
I had the best birthday ever in my life a week ago in Singapore! I left Jakarta on my birthday, it was Friday, 30 October in the evening and arrived safely in Changi Airport just an hour before midnight. The immigration officer even wished me Happy Birthday and said a pray for me, it was so sweet!
My e-mail friend for 8 years, Viga picked me up and we headed to my Hostel directly and continued chit chat in an Indian Restaurant until 2 AM.
On Saturday I wandered around in Little India with another good friend of mine, we spent whole day in this area.

Our plan was to go clubbing in Clarke Quay area but it was heavy rain in the evening and we trapped in MRT station for 2 hours. Our feet were too tired to walk or to dance, so we didn't go out that evening. I slept quiet early, it was another blessed day and I was smiling on my sleep widely ;)

I have a good friend who used to live in Singapore. But sadly, she moved to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday evening. So, I rushed to see her on sunday morning. I didn't know where was the Hotel but the map helped me a lot! Along my way to see her, I saw many nice old buildings. What I like about Singapore a lot is its old small buildings that are still well maintain. Just like the picture I took above from one of the streets in Singapore.

After saw my friend, I went to China town that offered me another side of Singapore. It's fun to wander around and bought some cheap stuffs ;)

What do you think about this colorful key chains? I remember the shop owner yelled at me when she saw me taking pictures in front of her shop, hahaha... Anyway, I don't think I will see her again and I got this nice shot.

The picture above is Sultan Mosque in Kampong Glam where I had my breakfast with my good friend, Diny together with her baby and her husband.

The third day was awesome. My friend, Viga had time to accompany me wandering around Singapore river area. I always love this area. Quiet and beautiful...

The tall buildings said hello to the clear blue sky. The universe knew how much I enjoyed my time when I was there.

What can I say more? I indeed had the best birthday ever!

xoxo,

-Ita

Where I'm gonna be...soon :)

That was me, few years ago. I can't really remember in what year I was there. 2004? I think it was between 2004-2005. At that time, I didn't explore too much because I didn't have enough money while this place has quite high living cost. Why do I choose this place as my next escape from hustle bustle of Jakarta city? It's because of its safety! I'm gonna make one of my dreams come true on my upcoming birthday (30 October!!! So close!).

I always have a dream to do traveling alone, all by myself, not depend on someone else to choose where should go. I want to celebrate myself. Of course there are many more beautiful places to explore in my own beloved country, Indonesia. But, I don't feel comfortable to travel alone in my own country for some reasons. This is just the beginning, that's why I choose a safe country, where the number of crime is so low, where I can count on the public transport, on-time schedule, can wear anything I want and of course can walk everywhere without worrying people on the streets who would say something or do something nasty.

Why do I want to go alone on my birthday? Simple. I want to experience and surprise myself on the new things that I'm gonna get there. I'll meet new people or maybe new friends, see a lot of new things and experience new adventure. Of course I'll see my friends there but I don't want to depend on them. If they can't accompany me to go around, I would do it all by myself, no problem :) They are good people. Their friendship has been tested by time. I just can't wait!

Museum and burger time!

I visited again Museum Bank Mandiri with some friends on Saturday and finally I could get into the basement floor. It wasn't too scary because there were some visitors on that floor, thank God!

Next to Museum Bank Mandiri, there is Museum Bank Indonesia and we like it! The building was beautiful and it is well maintained. I hope it always be well maintained in the future. People here in Indonesia don't really care of maintenance, they can build or make something nice but they are too lazy to taking care of it. We can see the facts clearly in several public facilities... I won't say it without prove :)

Well, anyway...no charge to enter this nice place! Free... Free! And you can take pictures, it is not forbidden at all. Only in some points you are not allowed to use your camera flash.

I used to dream to live surrounded by gold blocks just like one of the Disney characters when I was a little girl. Finally in my late twenties, I can see the real gold blocks right in front of my eyes in Museum Bank Indonesia! Mmmmm..... one of my childhood dreams came true :)
It was pretty tiring, 2 museums in a day. Next destination: Plaza Indonesia to get 'late' lunch and to feel colder air space. It was a hot day.

Burger time arrived in the evening after wandered around in Plaza Indonesia. We choose burger not because we really in the mood for burger but because we wanted to just sit and chat in this nice place. The restaurant named "Mos Burger" I think it's chain from Japan and it's on the 3rd floor of Plaza Indonesia, facing to the street of Thamrin. It's just nice chatted and had burger, fries and soft drink in the evening with my girl friends :) Topic of the evening? Men and their unsolved mysteries!

And.... I say this picture might represent who I am. Mmmm... it talks quite a lot about me. Look at my face while eating that burger and those excited eyes when yummy burger started entering my mouth! Well, basically.. I love eating, hehehehe :)

xoxo,

-Ita

A new favorite place and new books

How's your weekend?
It's Thursday ( I know...I know...a bit late to ask, hehehe) and weekend is coming but I want to share something from my last weekend :)

On Saturday evening after saw a movie "The Last Legion" (which is not recommeneded!), I found a nice place to hang out named "Kopitiam Oey". This small restaurant offers old coffee shop atmosphere, good food and of course good Indonesian coffee. Owned by one of Indonesian culinary expert, I recommend you to try this one if you are in Jakarta. I went there with my friend, Dyah and we both suddenly fall in love and making it our No. 1 cool hang out place in Jakarta.

The food price starts from Rp. 15.000 and coffee/tea price starts from Rp. 8000. Not so many choices are on the list but they are selected carefully by the owner. Because the price is not expensive at all, we decided to order one meal for each and one meal for sharing. Cane Bread with chicken curry was chosen to share while Crab noodle was for each.

In the end, we couldn't finish the cane bread and chicken curry because we both were full!

We spent few hours in this place, didnt really want to get out but the night was getting late. If you want to try, just drive to Haji Agus Salim Street No. 18, Central Jakarta. Feel the friendly ambience and good food+coffee. Don't expect you'll be in a big fancy restaurant because it's a small cute little place!

On Sunday, I went to one of my favorite 'candy shop' named Gudang Buku. This place provides 2nd hand books and if we are patient selecting one by one, we'll get new book! Isn't it good? The price is also reasonable :)
Oh, I forgot to tell you that I call book store as candy shop. It's simply because I feel like a kid in a candy store everytime I'm in book store. I bought one 2nd hand book "Tall Cool One" by Zoey Dean and one new book "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy from another store.

xoxo,
-Ita

Birthday party on wednesday morning

Today we had small birthday party in our office, it was quite early for birthday party but it was arranged in the morning because others couldn't attend it due to meeting or must go out in the afternoon. The Birthday boy today was my boss, it's his 30th year old Birthday. Happy Birthday, Wing!

Each of us got delicious chocolate cake and ice lemon tea, yum....

Was it too early too for mouth watering cake like this? Of course not, I love cake :) Oh, I mean...WE love cake!

Look at that! Can you say NO for that sweet temptation? I bet NO :)

xoxo,
-Ita

Weekend in Bandung

Although during the week I heard a lot on TV about busy or heavy traffic due to Ramadan Holiday season, I dared myself to go to Bandung on Saturday. I was glad that I took this decision because all those reports on TV were crap or bullshit or whatever. Well, of course it happened on some areas, but not on the way to Bandung. No traffic at all, the trip was smooth!I called shuttle Bus Company and immediately got return ticket, normal trip duration surprised me more. I left Jakarta on Saturday morning at 9 AM and landed safely in Bandung at 11 AM.

Glad to see my little sister again! (It’s always good to have her companion anyway) In the evening we decided to do some shopping and saw movie in Parijs Van Java shopping centre but there was no interesting movie playing, so we cancel our movie night. I spotted a tiny book stall that sell vintage books and I bought one for myself. I didn’t really interest the story in the book actually, but I found it’s interesting to have a book that published in 60’s, a vintage book for my collection.

We had dinner at Malaysian/Peranakan Restaurant named Katjapiring. I ordered Laksa and my little sister ordered Nasi Lemak. The food was OK, not so special but we love the atmosphere. The teh poci (tea in the clay pot) we had is recommended, beautiful presentation and the taste was good. One good thing is... it’s free flow! So we can order only one portion for 2 :) I always love tea served in clay pot, its taste is different...believe me!

Ceiling decoration at Katjapiring Restaurant

Teh Poci or tea in the clay pot

Malaysian Laksa

Vintage book with old spelling

We planned to go to Dutch and Japanese Cave on Sunday morning but both of us woke up late. So, we only went to Braga Street, took some pictures and had lunch at Igelanca, Dago Pakar. Braga Street is beautiful. Along this street we can see old buildings from colonial era and they are well maintained. Just close to the Braga Street there is a museum named Asia Africa Conference Museum, unfortunately it was close during lunch time and we didnt get a chance to get inside of it because my cousin already called for lunch in Dago Pakar. My sister, Elis recommended getting lunch in Igelanca, a homey place to eat with good price.

Popeye on the wall in Braga Street invited me for a beer!

Braga city walk sign

One of the old buildings in Braga Street

Cafe in Braga

Colorful mocktails in Igelanca

I hate to leave Bandung (again) but I have to work on Monday... See you soon, Bandung!


xoxo,
-Ita