Have you ever been in love?

“Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you.
They didn’t ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

A bitter episode

It's been weeks and soon even a month without his presence. There is feeling of relief and freedom flows in my vein as he left, but all of it mixed with a great sense of loss.

Sometimes I blame myself for everything happened, there are times when I'm angry because I was treated very unfairly, I sometimes let myself talk in silence and thinking what have I done in the past so now I have to feel this.

I miss him sometimes, although the last time he said , "I can not just leave you like that." :) :) :)

When I remember that sentence now, I can smile again without any hope that someday, he'll come back to me. Because I know that sentence does not mean anything for him, just as part of his attempt to relieve my emotions at that time. Unfortunately, until now deep inside my heart I still believe that he's not that bad. Hopefully it's true.

Wherever he is, whatever he does, hopefully he's okay and happy with his chosen life now.

I was taught the meaning of give in and surrender.

For the last couple years, I've done a lot of sacrifices so that all could work fine, but unfortunately it has no meaning for him. Even worse, I was slandered :) You can imagine how I feel right now, but I am very grateful because at times like this, I was taught the meaning of 'surrender'.

Yes, the meaning of "surrender" here in the sense of letting the process take place naturally. Let God's will happens. I strongly believe, the lives of people who are full of lies will never be peaceful.

It was just a bitter episode in my amazing life.

The one that got away...

Summer after high school when we first met
We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday, we got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue
Never planned that one day I'd be losing you

In another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises be us against the world

In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on

Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse

But in another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises be us against the world

In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say, you were the one that got away
The one that got away...

(Katy Perry)

Never knew I needed

For the way you changed my plans, for being the perfect distraction

For the way you took the idea that I have of everything that I wanted to have and made me see there was something missing..


For the ending of my first begin and for the rare and unexpected friend

For the way you're something that I never choose, but at the same time something I don't wanna lose and never wanna be without ever again...


You're the best thing I never knew I needed, so when you were here I had no idea

You're the best thing I never knew I needed, so now it's so clear I need you here always...


My accidental happily ever after, the way you smile and how you comfort me with your laughter

I must admit you were not a part of my book, but now if you open it up and take a look

You're the beginning and the end of every chapter...


Who'd knew that I'd be here so unexpectedly, undeniablely happy

Said with you right here, right here next to me...

(For you... my sunshine)

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